NEARLY two years after her divorce from her unfaithful husband, Madam Lim (not her real name), 36, still cooks for him and washes his clothes.
They even live in the same four-room Housing Board flat in Woodlands that they shared as husband and wife before their divorce, together with their three children.
The family of five all live under one roof, but dad and mum sleep in separate bedrooms and do not talk to each other. They communicate by writing notes.
Most people would find such a living arrangement more than a little unusual, but in fact it is quite common.
Of 11 lawyers and three real estate agents The Sunday Times spoke to, all but one said that they have seen cases like Madam Lim's in the past few years. One lawyer has handled as many as five such divorce cases this year alone.
So why would a divorced couple continue living together?
Blame it on property prices. The couples are usually in their late 30s or early 40s and find it more economical to share one home.
Many had also bought their matrimonial homes when property prices were high and are saddled with negative equity.
If they sold their properties now, they would suffer heavy financial losses, so they prefer to hang on until property prices pick up.
Veteran lawyer Amolat Singh of Amolat & Partners, who has seen four such cases over the past three years, said: 'They can learn to live with emotional pain. The financial pain, on the other hand, is much harder to bear. Saving up for old age becomes a priority.'
Clearly, these older Singaporeans are a pragmatic lot.
In the case of Madam Lim, both she and her former husband, a civil servant, cannot afford to start new lives in separate flats.
Like others who are in their late 30s, buying a new place would mean shorter home loan periods and higher monthly instalments.
Madam Lim said that she could not buy out her ex-husband's share of the flat even if she wanted to. She did not work during their 14 years of marriage and has practically no CPF savings.
The housewife said: 'I cannot move out. I have no income and I'll have nowhere to go. At least now he still pays for the children's expenses and my maintenance.' Madam Lim said the children's expenses and her maintenance add up to almost $500 every month.
Her former husband, who declined to be interviewed, still pays for the mortgage on the flat and all the household expenses. She 'pays' him back by cooking and cleaning for him.
She is aware that, technically, she is breaking Housing Board rules. HDB requires divorced couples to settle the distribution of their matrimonial flat within six months of their divorce being finalised.
Even if ownership of the flat has been transferred to an ex-spouse, the other cannot be listed as an occupant.
But couples are willing to take the risk, given that there is so much money at stake.
Veteran lawyer Rajan Chettiar from Rajan Chettiar & Company, who has seen five such cases this year, said: 'Housing is a major problem after a divorce, especially when you don't have the money.
'When so much money is involved, sometimes sharing a house seems to be the best solution.'
This seems to be a fairly recent phenomenon. Lawyers said such living arrangements were practically unheard of a decade ago, but today, people have become more relaxed about unconventional households.
But even the most modern and tolerant couples would not put up with this situation if either one of them has another partner waiting in the wings.
'There is usually no third party involved. If there is, one party would want to move out quickly,' said senior matrimonial lawyer at Lee & Lee, Ms Tan Siew Kim.
Added Mr Singh: 'As they say, there can only be one female goat on the mountain.'
Younger couples, being more mobile, would also not tolerate such arrangements.
As for the impact on the children, lawyers and counsellors interviewed said the unconventional living arrangement may not confuse the kids and may even be good for them.
Mr Anthony Yeo, consultant therapist at Counselling and Care Centre, said that when divorced parents stay together, the children will not be torn between mummy and daddy. There is some semblance of a stable family life.
He said that the children can also use the time to adjust to their parents' divorce and prepare for the day when mum and dad go their separate ways.
According to Madam Lim, her three children are spared the trauma of their parents' divorce because they still see both parents every day.
She said: 'We also don't quarrel badly like we used to when we were married. In fact, the children's grades in school have improved.'
When her former husband returns home from work in the evenings, she heads for her bedroom. There are days when their paths do not cross. During the interview, she could not even remember the last time they spoke.
'If I need to tell him something, I will write a note and leave it on the coffee table. He will see it when he gets home.'
Madam Lim said her mother thinks that she is 'living in sin' and has stopped talking to her. She has turned down her siblings' offer to take her and the children in.
'I don't wish to be a burden to others and my children need to be near their school. For now, staying with my former husband is my only choice.'
Propnex Realty chief executive officer Mohamed Ismail thinks that people like Madam Lim should cut their losses and move on.
His advice: Sell the house immediately, split the proceeds and get a new place.
'If they can't afford to buy a new flat, then rent a flat. If they still can't afford that, then rent a room. Room rentals are as cheap as $300 now,' he said.
What about divorced couples who are banking on property prices going up so that they do not have to sell at a loss?
He said: 'Even if they wait five to 10 years, there is no guarantee that property prices can ever go that high again. And they must remember that while waiting, they are still incurring interest on the flat.'
ndianah@sph.com.sg
